"If Spanking It Were An Olympic Event, I Would Be Sponsored By Nike (or maybe Kleen-Ex)"

Transcribed by Brad






From the forthcoming EP "No, You Can't Borrow Our Tuba"



Speed: Ballad (crotchet = 60)

*-------------------------------------------------------------------*

Tuning:     Guitar1-     Tune 5 up to C

                    Tuning (Low To High): E C D G B E

*-------------------------------------------------------------------*

Legend:   %     Repeat First Measure    ~ Arpeggio (on chord)

          #     Whole Bar Rest/ sharp   g 3/4 bend

          p     Pull Off                s quarter bend

          h     Hammer On               f full bend

          b     Flat (in chords)        a half bend

          \\\   Slide down             ~~~ Vibrato

          ///   Slide up                l   rest

          <>    rake direction          t   trem bar

          x     mute                    8va play an octave higher

         AH     artificial harmonics             than written

       (6)19fr  Used in rhythm, play    15ma play 2 octaves higher

                stg 6 at fret 19.             than written

*------------------------------------------------------------------*

Chords:



E5                G5              A5            C5add9

o  xxx           xoo x          xo  xx          x xo x

||||||          ||||||          ||||||          ||||||

|11|||          ||||||          ||11||          ||||||

||||||          2|||3|          ||||||          |2||3|

                              



D5                B5            E5vii            C5 

xoo  x          x   xx          x   xx          x   xx

||||||          ||||||          |1||||          |1||||

|||1||          |1||||          ||||||          ||||||

||||3|          ||||||          ||34||          ||34||

                ||34||



C5(type2)         D5v             D/A             Em

/\  xx          x   xx          xoo             o  ooo

11||||3fr       |1||||3fr       ||||||5fr       ||||||

||||||          ||||||          |||1|2          |23|||

||34||          ||34||          ||||3|          ||||||

*------------------------------------------------------------------*



The solo is a pain to tab- there are LOTS of complex bits which I can't

possibly include.. I've tried!!! for example, if you see ta/

above a note, this means trem bar 1/2 note upwards... or /        \

the first is when the note is bent up, the second is back down...

YouUll HAVE to listen CAREFULLY to the Disc.

*------------------------------------------------------------------*

Intro     *Gtr1          Let it ring throughout     (This is Rhy Fig. 1)

         (12-stg)

Note: 1 chord for each 4 notes



   Emadd9        Em9     Emadd4    Emadd9   Em9     Emadd4     Emadd9

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--------8------3-------7-------0-|---------------------------------|

|-----11------0-------0-------0---|---------------%-----------------|

|---9-------4-------7-------4-----|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|-0-------0-------0-------0-------|---------------------------------|



  Cmaj7#11 Cadd9#11 C6add#11 Cmaj7#11 Emadd9   Em9    Emadd4  

N.C(Em)

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--------8------3-------7-------0-|--------8------3-------7-----1p0-|

|-----11------0-------0-------0---|-----11------0-------0----------0|

|---9-------4-------7-------4-----|---9-------4-------7-------2-----|

|-0-------0-------0-------0-------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|-0-------0-------0-------0-------|



End Rhy. Fig. 1

*------------------------------------------------------------------*

1st, 2nd Verses                         

w/Rhy. Fig. 1(2 times)                    (2nd time w/Fill 1)

Emadd9  Em9   Emadd4   Emadd9       Em9     Emadd4     Emadd9

1.I've gotta admit, I sure love spankin' it!



Cmaj7#11 Cadd9#11 C6add#11 Cmaj7#11 Emadd9    Em9    Emadd4  N.C(em) 

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------#-----------------|-----------------#---------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

I've done it on a plane, I've done it on a bus.



Emadd9   Em9   Emadd4   Emadd9       Em9      Emadd4      Emadd9

Gtr. II (Elec.)

|~0-------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|~0-------------------------------|----------------------0----------|

|~0-------------------------------|----------------------0----------|

|~2-------------------------------|------------------------2f--(2)p0|

|~2-------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|~0-------------------------------|---------------------------------|

     I've done it in the bathroom with my finger up my butt.



2nd time substitute Rhy. Fill 1 (Gtr. II)

Cmaj7#11 Cadd9#11 C6add#11 Cmaj7#11 Emadd  Em9    Emadd4     N.C(Em)

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|-3-------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|-0-------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|-------------------------0-0-2/4-|-------------------------------0-|

|-3-------------------------------|---------------------------2-2-0-|

|---------------------------------|-0---------------------(0)-0-0---|

  Pretty much every morning, definitely every night,

  

*******************************************************************

Fill 1 (Gtr. II)-elec. **THIS IS NOT RHY FILL 1 !!!!!



|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|-------------------------15)f/---|-(15)----------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--------------------------0------|---------------------------------|



*******************************************************************

This section plays Guitar I and II together.

   D5               Cadd9                 Em9     Em     Em7

GtrII               let it ring----|                         let ring

|---------------------------------|------7-7-----7-7-----7-7-----7---|

|--3--------------------3-3-------|------7-8-----8-7-----7-7-----8p7-|

|--2------------------0---0-------|------7-7-----7-7-----7-7-----7---|

|--0--------------0---------------|------7-9-----9-9-----9-9-----9---|

|--0----------------3-------------|------7-7-----7-7-----7-7-----7---|

|---------------------------------|--0-0-------------0-0-----0-0-----|

|GtrI     (let it ring throughout)|                                  |

|----------0---------------0------|------7-7---7-7-7---7-7-7---7-7---|

|--3-----3---3-----------3---3----|------7-8---8-8-7---7-7-7---7-7---|

|--2---2-------2-------0-------0--|------7-7---7-7-7---7-7-7---7-7---|

|--0-0-----------0---2-----------2|------9-9---9-9-9---9-9-9---9-9---|

|------------------0--------------|------7-7---7-7-7---7-7-7---7-7---|

|---------------------------------|--0-0-----------------------------|

sometimes while I'm at work and even while I drive.

(Cram these lyrics into one bar)



 D5               Cadd9          To Coda Bmb6               N.C

GtrII                let it ring------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|-3---------------------3---------|---------3-----------------------|

|-2-------------------0-----------|-----0-----0---0---0---0-----0---|

|-0---------------0---------------|---4---4-----4-------4-----0-----|

|-0-----------------3-----------3-|-2---------------2---------------|

|---------------------------------|-------------------------3-------|

|GtrI          let it ring throughout                               |

|---------0-----------------------|---------------------------------|

|-3-----3---3--------------3------|---------------------------------|

|-2---2-------2-------0------1----|---------7-------------------0---|

|-0-0-----------0---2---2------0--|-----5-----5---5---5---5---0-----|

|-----------------0--------------2|---6---6-----6-------6-----------|

|---------------------------------|-7---------------7-------0-------|

 But I'm not hurting anybody. Besides,

*******************************************************************

Rhy. Fill 1  (Gtr. II)

         let ring|    let ring - - - - - - - - - - -|

|------------------------7--------|----------------------------------|

|----------------------------8----|----------------------------------|

|-------------0------------------7|----------------------------0-----|

|-------------0----4/7------------|--10-------------(4)--0--0----2/4-|

|---------0-----------------------|----------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|----------------------------------|



|-------------------------0----0--|

|-------------------------0----0--|

|-------------------------0----0--|

|--2----------------------2----2--|

|-------------------------2----2--|

|-------0-----------------0----0--|



*******************************************************************



w/Rhy.Fig.1

Emadd9    Em9    Emadd4     Emadd9 [fdbk]    Em9  Emadd4    Emadd9

                          ~~~~~~                            f

|---------------------------------|-------------------0----0-----------|

|---------------------0---------0-|-----------03/5\\\\\\3------------3-|

|---------------------0-----------|-(0)--------------------2-(2)p0---0-|

|---------------------0---2-------|--------------------------------2---|

|---------------------------------|------------------------------------|

|-0-------------------------------|------------------------------------|

                                 (Feedback pitch D)

sex with other people costs money, time, emotion, convenience...



                                                        D.S. al Coda

Cmaj7#11 Cadd9#11 C6add#11 cmaj7#11  Emadd9   Em9   Emadd4   N.C.

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--3------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--0---------------2---0----------|---------------------------------|

|------------------0-----4p2p0--2-|--(2)----------------------------|

|--3------------0---------------2-|--(2)----------------------------|

|-------------------------------0-|--(0)----------------------------|

               ^let ring|                         



GTR I and II play together      onset of               (6)19fr

CODA: 2/4 time                  Gtr.III(dist.elec.) =   B\sl.

Bmaddb6                           Bbm6           

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--------------3------------------|--------------3------------------|

|----------0--------0------0------|----------0----------------------|

|-------4--------------4----------|------3--------------------------|

|----2----------------------------|--1------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|GTR I                            |                                 |

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|---------------------------------|

|--------------7------------------|--------------7------------------|

|----------5--------5------5------|----------5----------------------|

|-------6--------------6----------|------5--------------------------|

|----7----------------------------|--6------------------------------|

and I want to release my stress, not create it.

                                           (Gtrs I and II out)

E5             G5

 Where ever I go I am my own right hand man.

A5             G5

It doesn't take much more for me to get the urge, 

E5          G5     D5           C5add9    D5\   G5\  

sometimes nothing more than a commercial, clothes, or certain word.

E5               G5

I've seen more pornos than there are miles on my car.

    A5               (end rhy.fig 2)    B5                    D5      E5

I still use the memories with my 9th grade girlfriend, man those things go far!



Gtr IV

                       rake|

|----------------------------12-14|

|---------------------------12----|

|--------------------------14-----|

|-------------------------x\------|

|---------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|

                           ^pick sl.

cold?_____________________________





Solo: (You'll HAVE to listen to this!- order of notes is correct but

       timing is not even close!!!)



   D5                       C5 E5viii A5 E5    

Rhy.Fig.3

   a/                       a/          ta\~~~       (end fig.3)~~~

|--14---------14----(14)p12-14----|-12-----------------------10----------|

|---------------------------------|------12--(12)\-10------12--12--(12)\9|

|---------------------------------|-------------------11h12--------------|

|---------------------------------|--------------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|--------------------------------------|

|---------------------------------|--------------------------------------|

                                    *Depress bar 1/2 note before striking

                                        + slight vib. with bar



W./rhy.fig 3(2 times i.e: next two bars)

   D5                               C5             E5iv

            s                    f     f          a

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-----------8--------------------8-----10--8------8-----------------|

|-----7--9-----9--7--9---7---9-----9-x---------9-----9--7-----------|

|-/9------------------------------------------------------9-8-7\----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



   A5   E5

   g  let ring - - - - - - - - - -grad release end@2|     a

|-------------------------3-----------------------------------------|

|---------------------------------3---------------------------------|

|--2-------------------------------------2---------(2)p0--2---------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



   D5                         C5              E5(vii)

                 ~~~~~p      h          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ P.M.- - - |

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|--------------------------------------------------------0----0-----|

|--12\11---11\9---9---(9)--7--7--9/12--7----------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



   A5     E5  let ring - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -|

|------------0------0-------------0-------0----0---0----------------|

|---3 / 7--------7-------5 / 8-------8----7----8---8 \ 12-----------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



w/Rhy. Fig. 3 (1st bar only)



   D5                       C5                     E5(vii)      A.H.

                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~ (15ma)

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|--0------------------7--9 / 12-------------------10-----------11---|

|----------5--7 / 9-------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|





  B5

  A.H(15ma)   [bend up & down on same note]

   a/    a/ - \ - a/ - \ -  a/ - \ -|              s/

|--------------------------------------------------14--------12-----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|--------------------------------------12--10--------------------12-|

|-11-----11------------------------------------12-------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

Oh!_________________________________________________________________



   E5                              G5

   f/                         *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|--15----------------------(15)-------------------------------------|

|--------------------------(15)-------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

I don't think that it's just me,



*catch 3 stg. at 15ft. while vibrating.



   A5                                           G5

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~     (w/echo

repeats)

|-----------------------------------------------15------(15) \ -----|

|-(15)--------------------------------------------------------------|

|-(15)--------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

I think it goes for everybody.





   E5                 G5       D5       C5add9        D5      G5

Everyone I know is a spank monkey. 



   E5                   G5

Wank-A-Thon. I'm not alone.







Outro: w/ vocal ad lib (till fade)



  C5add9                         D/A                         Em

    f        f       PM                              *stg5=s/ stg6=a/

|-----12------------------------------------------------------------|

|--------15----------------------12--------------12-12--------------|

|--14-------14-(14)p12-14-12-----12--------------12-12--------------|

|----------------------------14------14--14--12---------14-(14)\----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

                                         (last slide tied to 9 in next bar)



             A.H - - -~~~~|           PM- - - - - -|        pick sl.

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|------------12--------------------7---7---------------------x\-----|

|-9--------------14--14--(14)\/9-----------9---8--7-----------------|

|------4/14------------------------------------------10----(10)-----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

             AH pitch B                                       ~~~~~~~



C5add9                                  D/A                       Em

pick sl.               ~~~~~~~~~           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-x/----12------------12--------------------------------------------|

|-x/----12------------12--------14------(14)------------------------|

|---------------14--------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



Here is is people:

             f/        f/           f/  f/        f/        f/

|--------------------------12-15p12---12----------------------------|

|----/12-12-15--(15)p12--12---------15----12-14p12--12-15p12--------|

|----------------------14---------------14--------14--------14-14p12|

|-14\---------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



C5add9                       D/A          (trem bar)               Em

                                      f/ \1/\1/\1/

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-12---------------12-----------------------------------------------|

|-12-----12--------12----14----------(14)--------------------(14)\--|

|--------12--14-----------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



                            AH(8va)

   f           f            f          f         f          f

|---------12---------------15-----12--------12--------12------------|

|-----12------15------12--------------15--------15---------15-------|

|-14----------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



Begin fade



C5add9                                    D/A                      Em

    8va - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    a                                    fdbk        semi- harm.  AH

|---17--(17)p-15h-17p-15--------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------17p-15h-17--17-------------------------17-|

|-------------------------------------------------------------0-----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



    8va - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    f                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

|--15---------------------------------------------------------------|

|------------------17p15h17--17----------------------------20p17----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|





C5add9                               D/A                        Em

   semi- 

   harm.

    8va - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     f                          ~~~~~~~~~                     f (tied)

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|---20-------------17--15h17--17---------(17)\3/12--15-------17-----|

|-------------------------------------------------------16----------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



    8va - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

       f                              f+a/    *spring noise

|------------------------------h(19)-----------------------19--19---|

|----(17)-----------------------------17----------------------------|

|---------------------------------------------x---------------------|

|---------------------------------------------------x---------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



C5add9                        D/A                                Em

    8va - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    f            ~~~~~~~~~~~

|-------------------------------------------14--15--17-------15-----|

|---22----------22----------(22)\-------15--------------------------|

|----------------------------------/16------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|



    8va - - - - - - - - - - - -|loco     (trem. bar )

                             f     /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

|--14h15p14--14-----------------------------------------------------|

|------------------15--------------------------------------------/13|

|-----------------------14--12----12--14------------------(14)\-----|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|

|-------------------------------------------------------------------|






Back to the tab menu